Today a schizophrenic homeless man almost punched me in the face. Earlier, I waited half an hour for the bus.  Earlier still, I waited half an hour for a car service guy who’d said he’d be there “in five.”

Oh, and I had a shrill conversation with my ex-boyfriend William, who is holding my digital camera hostage because he can’t find the cord that would enable him to download the pix he’s taken with it onto his computer.  “Have you tried looking for it?” I finally said, after weeks of politely asking to have it back.  “You don’t need to get upset!” he told me, incorrectly.

Also, I found out my cat — my fucking CAT– has a urinary tract infection, and I paid $50 for his antibiotics, plus $20 for the (tardy!) car that took me to the vet, arriving exactly one minute before they closed.

Oh, right, and!  I got screamed at on the phone at 9:00 by someone I’d written about for work, some I’d previously admired!  And then, half an hour later, I got an identical incoherent lecture from that person’s publicist.

On top of it all, a few days ago the Internet decided to cough up a clip of something vaguely humiliating I did a few months ago, instigating another barrage of hatemail and creepy fanmail (ex: “You stoopid cunt” “Fuck Jimmy Kimmel, yr hot! Lol”) in my inbox.  I can’t even read this shit anymore.  I can’t believe I used to be fascinated by it.  I guess I used to care a lot more what idiots and assholes thought of me.

I still care a bit, of course.

So, all in all, a la Alexander, it was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, made doubly so because I’m very, very tired.  But the reason I’m still smiling right now is that the reason I’m so tired is … well.

Ahem. Like I said, I’m not good at writing about sex, or maybe no one is.  But the way I feel about last night is the way I felt about bacon after I started eating meat again after 1o years of vegetarianism.  Which was: I wanted everyone to understand how important, how absolutely essential bacon is.  I wanted to tell people about bacon.  I actually did tell people, several times.  “Have you had bacon? It’s like a potato chip made out of meat!”  Bacon.  Man, bacon is delicious!